In today’s digital age, the internet is an integral part of our children’s lives, offering a wealth of opportunities for learning, creativity, and social interaction. However, this digital landscape is not without its risks. From cyberbullying and online predators to the more subtle dangers of screen addiction, the virtual world presents a myriad of challenges that can threaten the well-being of young users. As a concerned advocate for child safety, I believe it is imperative to address these issues proactively. UNICEF, on its website, claimed that “[m]ore than a third of young people in 30 countries report being cyberbullied, with 1 in 5 skipping school because of it” and “[s]ome 80% of children in 25 countries report feeling in danger of sexual abuse or exploitation online.”[i] In the United States, people are awakening to the dangers children face online, and there is talk of legislation called the Kids Online Safety Act (KOSA) being considered.
In this essay, I will outline eight strategic approaches that can significantly enhance the online safety of our children. These strategies are designed to protect them from immediate online threats and instil responsible digital habits that will serve them throughout their lives. By implementing these measures, we can help create a safer and more secure online environment for our children, ensuring they reap the benefits of the internet while minimising its potential harms.
Establish Clear Online Guidelines
Set specific rules about which websites are appropriate, such as educational platforms like Khan Academy or National Geographic Kids, and clearly define off-limits areas, such as chat rooms, dating apps, and adult content websites. Emphasise the importance of privacy by instructing children never to share personal details online—such as their full name, address, phone number, and school information—which can be used by predators to gain trust or locate them in real life. Teach them the importance of using privacy settings on social media to control who can see their posts and personal information.
2. Educate About Online Dangers
Cyberbullying: Explain that it can manifest through mean messages, posting embarrassing photos, or making threats, and emphasise the importance of reporting such behaviour to adults.
Online Scams: Share stories about online scams in which children might be tricked into giving out personal information or downloading malware disguised as a game or an app.
Sexual Predators: Discuss the tactics used by sexual predators online, such as grooming, where predators build emotional connections with potential young victims, often pretending to be someone else or of a similar age. Teach them to be cautious about friend requests from strangers and conversations that turn personal or uncomfortable. Use real-life examples without graphic details but enough to convey seriousness, like predators posing as children in gaming chat rooms to initiate conversation.
3. Use Parental Controls
Comprehensive Filtering: Implement parental controls on all devices to filter out harmful content and restrict access to social media platforms until children are mature enough to understand the implications of their online activities. Parental controls can also manage the types of media they can download or purchase, preventing exposure to inappropriate apps or games.
Device-Specific Settings: For younger children, utilise device settings that allow only access to pre-approved, child-friendly websites and apps. For example, tablets and smartphones can be configured to operate in a “kid-safe” mode where only educational and age-appropriate applications are accessible.
Time Restrictions: Use parental controls to set time limits on internet usage to ensure that online activities do not interfere with sleep, homework, or physical activities. This helps in maintaining a balanced lifestyle and reducing the risk of internet addiction.
4. Encourage Open Communication
No Fear of Repercussions: Foster a supportive atmosphere where children know they can discuss anything that happens online without fear of repercussions or losing access to their devices. This assurance encourages them to come forward with issues that might otherwise go unreported.
Regular Discussions: Regularly engage in conversations about their online experiences, asking about the games they play, the friends they chat with, and what new things they have learned online. This not only helps you keep a pulse on their online life but also builds trust and facilitates easier disclosure should they encounter anything disturbing.
Role-Playing Scenarios: Consider role-playing different scenarios, such as receiving a friend request from a stranger or being asked personal questions online. This helps children practice how to respond and when to report to an adult.
5. Teach Online Etiquette
Empathy and Responsiveness: Emphasize the importance of empathy by encouraging children to consider how their words affect others before posting or responding online. Teach them to use positive language and to think from another person’s perspective, especially in heated discussions.
Handling Cyberbullying: Instruct them on practical steps to take if they witness cyberbullying, such as not participating in or encouraging negative behavior. They should know how to offer support to the victim by sending them private messages of encouragement and advising them to speak with an adult. Educate them on how to use reporting tools provided by most social media platforms to report abusive content and block bullies.
Privacy and Sharing: Discuss the risks associated with sharing too much information or posting photos without consent. Highlight the importance of asking for permission before tagging others in photos or sharing information that isn’t theirs to share.
6. Monitor Time Spent Online
Balanced Online and Offline Activities: Establish clear guidelines for how long children can spend online each day, and ensure they understand the value of balancing screen time with other activities. Encourage interests that do not involve screens, such as playing a musical instrument, cooking, or joining a sports team.
Tech-Free Zones: Create tech-free zones or times, such as during meal times or family gatherings, to help children disconnect and engage more with the family. This helps in cultivating face-to-face communication skills and strengthening family bonds.
Usage Monitoring Tools: Use apps and device settings that help monitor and control screen time. These tools can provide reports on how much time is spent on specific apps or websites, helping to identify patterns that may require adjustments in habits.
7. Be a Good Role Model
Privacy Practices: Demonstrate the importance of privacy by regularly updating your own privacy settings and discussing these changes with your children. Show them how to check privacy settings on new apps and platforms.
Respectful Online Communication: Model respectful and thoughtful interactions online, showing them how to handle disagreements respectfully and emphasising the importance of not posting or saying anything online that they wouldn’t say in person.
Personal Information Security: Give them practical examples of how to keep personal information secure online, such as using strong, unique passwords for different accounts and being cautious about sharing personal details on social media platforms.
8. Stay Informed
Continuous Learning: Technology evolves rapidly, and with it, so do the risks associated with being online. It’s crucial for parents to stay up-to-date with the latest developments in online safety. This includes understanding new social media platforms, emerging technologies like virtual reality, and the latest types of online scams or threats.
Regular Updates: Subscribe to trusted online safety newsletters, follow respected authorities in cybersecurity and child safety on social media, and participate in community forums where parents share advice and experiences. This will help you stay ahead of potential risks and learn about new tools and methods for protecting your children.
Adjustment of Strategies: As you learn more about new threats or safety tools, periodically review and adjust your online safety strategies. This might involve updating parental control settings, discussing new types of online scams with your children, or changing the rules about which online platforms are safe for them to use.
Conclusion
Ensuring the online safety of children is a dynamic challenge that requires continuous effort and adaptation. By establishing robust guidelines, fostering open communication, teaching responsible online behaviour, and staying informed about technological advances, parents can create a safer online environment for their children. These efforts will not only protect them from immediate dangers but also teach them the critical thinking skills necessary to navigate the online world safely as they grow older. In doing so, parents set their children up for a lifetime of safe and positive online experiences.
Over the past ten years, the domain of parenting has seen profound shifts, profoundly influenced by broader societal changes and significant technological progress. By 2024, it’s evident that parenting styles have continued to progress, now placing a stronger emphasis on mental health and striving for a more balanced family life. According to a 2023 survey by the Pew Research Center, concerns over mental health have escalated to become a primary worry among parents across the United States. The modern parental approach recognises the importance of flexibility, adapting to the unique personality and needs of each child. This adaptability allows many parents to blend aspects of their own childhood experiences with innovative strategies and insights gained from current research and societal trends. This shift is supported by findings from the Pew Research Center, which emphasise how parents today are reshaping their approaches, often blending traditional methods with new, more responsive tactics.
This evolving landscape, while challenging, also presents opportunities for a parenting style that is not only aware of the external influences of the digital age—such as social media and online culture—but also attuned to the internal dynamics of children’s developmental needs. The growing awareness among parents regarding the complexities of digital engagement and its impact on children has led to more proactive measures to safeguard and guide their interactions in the digital realm, fostering a more balanced and healthy digital environment for our children.
Different Parenting Styles
Parenting styles are categorised based on the degree of responsiveness and demandingness that parents exhibit towards their children. This framework, originally developed by psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s and later expanded upon by Maccoby and Martin in the 1980s, delineates four primary parenting styles. Each style distinctly influences children’s behaviour and development, shaping their emotional and social growth. Here’s an expanded look at each:
1. Authoritative Parenting
Description: Authoritative parents balance high responsiveness with significant demandingness. They set high but reasonable expectations for their children, provide consistent guidance, and enforce rules while remaining highly responsive to their children’s emotional needs. This style encourages independence but within the framework of clear guidelines.
Impact on Children: Children raised by authoritative parents typically display self-discipline, high self-esteem, and good social skills. They are generally well-adjusted, successful in academic and social settings, and capable of forming healthy relationships.
2. Authoritarian Parenting
Description: In contrast, authoritarian parents are highly demanding but not responsive. They impose strict rules, expect unquestioned obedience, and frequently employ punishment as a method of discipline. Communication tends to be predominantly from parent to child, with little regard for child input. Yes, the infamous Asian Tiger Mum.
Impact on Children: Children under authoritarian care may comply in the short term but often suffer from lower self-esteem, increased aggression, or heightened dependency on authority figures later in life. They may also exhibit poorer social skills and experience elevated anxiety levels.
3. Permissive Parenting
Description: Permissive parents are highly responsive but not demanding. They set minimal boundaries and rules and are generally indulgent with their children’s desires and actions. This parenting style is nurturing and communicative, often resembling a friend more than a parental figure.
Impact on Children: The lack of structure can lead children raised by permissive parents to struggle with self-control and authority. They may face behavioural issues, academic challenges, and difficulties in understanding and adhering to societal rules.
4. Neglectful (Uninvolved) Parenting
Description: Neglectful parenting is characterised by a lack of both responsiveness and demandingness. These parents are detached from their children’s lives, provide little supervision, and show minimal affection.
Impact on Children: Children with neglectful parents often perform poorly across various aspects of life, experiencing significant emotional and social fallout, including feelings of rejection, low self-esteem, and an increased risk of delinquency and substance abuse.
Emerging Trends: A Blend of Authoritative and Permissive Styles
In recent years, a trend has emerged showing a mix of authoritative and permissive parenting styles. This hybrid approach integrates the emotionally supportive elements of permissive parenting with the structured guidance of authoritative parenting. Parents adopting this style strive to nurture their children’s individuality and independence while maintaining a framework that promotes discipline and respect for boundaries. This contemporary blend reflects an adaptation to the changing societal norms that increasingly value both emotional openness and the cultivation of self-directed, resilient individuals. Understanding these evolving patterns can help parents reflect on their own methods and make informed adjustments that support their children’s holistic development, preparing them to navigate an increasingly complex world.
Over the past decade, one of the most defining shifts in the parenting landscape has been the pervasive influence of digital technology. The widespread adoption of smartphones, tablets, and ubiquitous internet access has fundamentally transformed the ways in which families communicate, learn, and manage their daily lives. Social media and digital communication have become central elements in modern connectivity, offering unprecedented access to information. However, this digital evolution also acts as a double-edged sword—while it connects us, it also introduces significant challenges such as screen addiction, cyberbullying, and the erosion of privacy. Moreover, there is an increasing concern over the digital spread of intolerance and violence, which has required parents to become more vigilant in monitoring their children’s online interactions to combat these negative influences.
2. The Emphasis on Emotional Intelligence
The shift towards prioritising emotional intelligence (EQ) marks another significant evolution in parenting styles. Recognising that success is not solely determined by academic prowess but also by one’s ability to manage emotions, empathise with others, and navigate complex social interactions, modern parents are increasingly focusing on nurturing these skills. This shift reflects a broader understanding that intellectual development must go hand in hand with emotional growth, preparing children to face both personal and communal challenges with sensitivity and maturity.
3. Addressing the Rise in Childhood Anxiety and Mental Health Concerns
Concurrently, there has been a growing concern about the mental health of children, including an increase in anxiety and depression. This trend necessitates a further evolution in parenting approaches, with a stronger focus on creating supportive environments that foster psychological well-being. Parents are now more attuned to the signs of mental distress in their children and seek to provide not just disciplinary guidance but also emotional support. Strategies include establishing open lines of communication, ensuring that children feel safe to express their fears and anxieties, and providing them with access to professional mental health resources when necessary.
4. The Impact of Globalisation and Cultural Exchange
Globalisation has dramatically broadened parenting perspectives by exposing families to diverse cultural practices and norms. This exposure, facilitated through media and personal interactions, allows parents to adopt and adapt various global parenting styles to suit their specific family needs. The resulting cross-cultural exchange has not only diversified but also enriched parenting approaches, making them more inclusive and adaptable. As families become more integrated into the globally connected world, they also become more equipped to appreciate and value diverse perspectives and experiences, which are crucial in raising culturally adept and respectful children.
5. The Role of Community and Faith
Amidst the fragmentation and polarisation exacerbated by digital platforms, the role of community and faith in parenting has seen a substantial resurgence. As the digital world sometimes creates isolation, faith communities have become crucial in providing the network of care and moral guidance that families seek. These communities help reinforce ethical and spiritual values, offering a much-needed counterbalance to the competitive and materialistic narratives pervasive in broader society. By engaging with these communities, families gain support in navigating the complexities of modern life, ensuring that children develop a strong foundation of community involvement and ethical integrity.
The evolving trends in parenting highlight a collective move towards more conscious and adaptive strategies that respond not just to the immediate needs of children but also to the broader societal challenges they will face as future citizens.
Conclusion
The last decade has witnessed transformative shifts in parenting, driven by societal changes, technological advancements, and a deepening understanding of the emotional and social complexities facing today’s youth. As parents increasingly confront the challenges of social and racial injustices, the rise of digital influences, and growing concerns over children’s mental health, the evolution towards more conscious, adaptive parenting strategies has become essential. This modern approach emphasises the importance of nurturing emotional intelligence, fostering open communication, and embracing the rich diversity offered by globalisation.
Moreover, the resurgence of community and faith-based support plays a pivotal role in strengthening family ties and grounding children in moral and ethical values, providing a stabilising force in a world often dominated by materialism and competition. These communities not only reinforce the support network necessary for effective parenting but also instil a strong sense of belonging and identity in the next generation.
As we move forward, it is clear that the path to successful parenting in our ever-changing world lies in flexibility, awareness, and a deep commitment to instilling values of empathy, respect, and social responsibility in our children. By adopting these comprehensive strategies, parents are not only addressing the immediate needs of their children but are also preparing them to thrive as compassionate, well-rounded individuals who are capable of contributing positively to a more just and inclusive society. The task is significant, yet the rewards—a healthier, more equitable future—make the journey not only necessary but also deeply rewarding.
Soon, some teenagers who have experienced parenting ten years ago will be parenting teenagers of their own. It is the circle of life: What goes around comes around. Parenting teenagers has always been a complex journey, marked by its unique set of challenges and rewards. However, the landscape of this journey has undergone a significant transformation over the past decade. As we examine the nuances of parenting teenagers in the current era compared to 10 years ago, we notice profound changes shaped by rapid technological advancements, shifting social dynamics, and evolving societal norms. As parents navigate this new terrain, they guide their teenagers through a world vastly different from the one they grew up in. This requires a dynamic approach to parenting that embraces open dialogue, continuous learning, and adaptability. The journey of parenting teenagers in today’s digital age constantly evolves, reflecting the broader shifts in technology, society, and how we connect and communicate.
The Digital Revolution and Social Media
Then: A decade ago, the digital world was already making its presence felt in the lives of teenagers, with social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram carving out a new space for online interaction. Smartphones were becoming ubiquitous, but the digital immersion we see today was in its nascent stages. The landscape was relatively less cluttered, with fewer platforms vying for attention. Teenagers spend significant time online, but the digital realm has not yet become the all-encompassing universe it is today. Concerns about digital usage were emerging, but the full spectrum of its impact on teenagers’ social skills, attention spans, and mental health was only beginning to be acknowledged.
Now: Fast forward to today, and the digital landscape has burgeoned into an expansive universe with the advent of platforms like TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube, and many apps designed to captivate younger audiences. Smartphones have become almost extensions of the self, leading to an era where teenagers are perpetually connected, navigating through social media, streaming content, engaging in online gaming, and immersing themselves in the vast expanse of internet culture. Teenagers are digital citizens, often more at home in the digital realm than in real life. This constant digital connectivity has birthed new challenges for parents, who now have to navigate the complexities of managing screen time, combatting online bullying, and addressing the pervasive spread of misinformation.
Digital immersion has become so profound that it’s reshaping the social fabric, influencing teenagers’ communication styles, perceptions of reality, and mental health. Digital texting is evolving into a language of its own. Parents must employ strategies like parental control apps with greater frequency, engaging in more nuanced conversations about digital literacy and internet safety than ever before. Parents often find, to their dismay, that teenagers are natural hackers of their parenteral control apps. Limiting screen time has become an oxymoron as they are always online. There is also the role model factor, as some parents are themselves glued to the screen all the time. More importantly, there is a growing need to educate teenagers on discerning the quality of the information they consume online, understanding the implications of their digital footprint, and navigating the complexities of online identities and communities.
Moreover, the rise of digital platforms has introduced novel opportunities and risks, making digital literacy not just an option but a necessity. Parents are increasingly advocating for schools to integrate digital literacy into the curriculum, recognising that understanding the digital world is crucial for their teenagers’ success and well-being. The dialogue between parents and teenagers has expanded to include discussions about privacy settings, the importance of taking breaks from screen time, and the psychological impacts of social media comparison.
Mental Health Awareness
Then: A decade ago, the topic of mental health, especially concerning teenagers, was enveloped in a cloud of stigma and misunderstanding. Acknowledging mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and other psychological challenges was less prevalent, with a significant portion of society holding onto misconceptions and dismissive attitudes towards these serious concerns. In many households, discussions about mental health were either skirted around or wholly avoided, perpetuating a cycle of silence and exacerbating the struggles faced by teenagers. Public discourse on the matter was limited, often overshadowed by a lack of awareness and understanding, leaving many teenagers to navigate their mental health challenges without the necessary support or acknowledgement from their communities or even their families.
Now: In contrast, the current landscape of mental health awareness has undergone a transformative shift, marking a period of increased understanding, advocacy, and support for mental health issues. This era is characterised by a significant reduction in the stigma surrounding mental health conversations, particularly those involving teenagers. Parents today are supposedly more informed and equipped to initiate open discussions about mental health with their children, emphasising the importance of acknowledging and addressing these issues. This proactive approach has been supported by a surge in mental health advocacy, which has played a crucial role in normalising conversations around mental health and promoting a culture of acceptance and support. Unfortunately, the rate of suicides among teens remains high in some cultures.
The availability of resources and helplines designed explicitly for teenagers is a testament to the progress in mental health support. These resources offer a lifeline to teenagers, providing them with confidential advice, guidance, and support. Digital platforms and social media, once seen only as contributors to mental health issues, are now being harnessed to spread awareness, share resources, and build communities that advocate for mental health wellness and support.
Furthermore, the narrative around mental health has expanded to include discussions on the importance of self-care, the recognition of early signs of mental health issues, and the critical nature of seeking professional help when needed. Campaigns and initiatives promoting mental health awareness have become more prevalent, featuring collaborations between celebrities, influencers, and mental health organisations to reach wider audiences and further reduce stigma.
The journey from silence and stigma to openness and support in the realm of mental health, especially among teenagers, highlights a societal evolution towards empathy, understanding, and proactive engagement. While challenges remain, the progress made in the past decade offers hope and a framework for continuing to improve mental health awareness and support.
The Role of Education
Then: Education, a cornerstone of teenage development, adhered to more traditional methodologies a decade ago. The classroom was dominated by direct instruction, textbooks, and handwritten notes, with technology serving merely as an ancillary tool rather than a central feature. Parents keen to be involved in their teenagers’ education often found themselves engaging in ways that reflected their own schooling experiences. This might involve helping with homework the old-fashioned way or attending parent-teacher meetings to discuss progress based on standardised test scores and report cards.
Now: The education landscape underwent a seismic shift with the advent of the COVID-19 pandemic, which necessitated an immediate pivot to remote learning. This period of adjustment thrust digital education tools to the forefront, transforming them from supplementary to essential. The aftermath of this shift has seen a sustained incorporation of technology in education, with digital platforms, online resources, and virtual textbooks becoming integral to the learning experience. Parents have adapted to this new reality, ensuring that their teenagers have access to the best online resources and advocate for educational experiences that are more tailored to individual learning styles. They are more involved in discussions about the digital divide and the importance of equitable access to technology, understanding that education’s future lies in a balanced integration of digital and traditional learning methods.
Moreover, the push for a more personalised learning experience has seen parents advocating for approaches like project-based learning and flipped classrooms, which allow students to explore subjects in depth and at their own pace. The emphasis has shifted towards developing critical thinking, creativity, and problem-solving skills, preparing teenagers for a rapidly changing world. What is encouraging is the openness of educational ministries in some nations to shift from role learning to different individualised learning methods.
Societal and Cultural Shifts
Then: A decade ago, societal and cultural attitudes towards gender, identity, and inclusivity evolved, yet accepting diverse identities was not as widespread. Conversations around these critical issues were more likely to occur in niche communities rather than the mainstream. Learning about their sexuality is an important milestone for teenagers. Cultural attitudes often left teenagers exploring their identities feeling marginalised or misunderstood, with fewer role models or supportive networks to turn to.
Now: The current generation of teenagers is experiencing adolescence in an era markedly more open and accepting of diversity in gender identity and sexual orientation. In some countries, the cultural and societal landscape has shifted towards a greater emphasis on inclusivity, equity, and understanding. Parents play a crucial role in this evolution, actively seeking resources to educate themselves and their families on LGBTQ+ issues and striving to create environments where their teenagers feel supported and affirmed in their identities.
This shift is reflected in the educational sphere as well, where schools are increasingly incorporating LGBTQ+ history and issues into the curriculum and adopting policies to ensure a safe and inclusive environment for all students in some cultures. Celebrations like Pride Month have become more mainstream, with schools and communities organising events and activities that promote understanding and acceptance.
A cultural shift towards greater inclusivity and acceptance of diverse identities has redefined societal norms, offering today’s teenagers a more supportive and understanding environment in which to explore and affirm their identities. While this openness is not available in all cultures, teenagers know about it via their hyper-connectivity.
Parenting Style
Then: Reflecting on parenting styles a decade ago, there was a notable tendency towards traditional methods, where hierarchical structures dominated the family dynamics. These approaches often emphasised obedience and a clear delineation of authority, with parents acting as the undisputed leaders and decision-makers. The communication flow was predominantly top-down, with limited space for children, especially teenagers, to express dissent or engage in decisions affecting their lives. This era was less about understanding the emotional and psychological nuances of adolescence and more about maintaining order and discipline within the household.
Now: The parenting landscape has significantly evolved in recent years, marked by a shift towards more nuanced and empathetic approaches. Among the notable developments in modern parenting are the concepts of “parachute” and “mindfulness” parenting, which reflect a deeper understanding of the need to balance guidance with empowerment and emotional well-being with discipline.
Parachute Parenting
This approach signifies a shift from the so-called “helicopter” parenting, where parents would hover over every aspect of their child’s life, towards allowing more freedom and independence. Parachute parents are prepared to let their teenagers explore and make their own mistakes but are also ready to ‘parachute in’ when serious challenges arise. This style emphasises the importance of fostering resilience and problem-solving skills in teenagers, encouraging them to take on responsibilities while knowing they have a safety net. An example of parachute parenting could involve allowing a teenager to resolve a conflict at school on their own but stepping in to provide support and guidance if the situation escalates beyond the teenager’s ability to manage.
Mindfulness Parenting
Mindfulness in parenting is about being present and engaged with one’s children, focusing on understanding their thoughts, feelings, and experiences without judgment. This approach encourages open, honest communication and teaches teenagers to be mindful of their mental and emotional states. Mindfulness parenting is about creating a calm, stable environment where teenagers feel safe expressing themselves. Parents practising mindfulness might, for example, encourage discussions about feelings and thoughts over family dinners or introduce practices like meditation and reflective listening to help manage stress and anxiety.
The adoption of parachute and mindfulness parenting reflects a broader societal acknowledgement of the complex challenges today’s teenagers face. By combining the independence-promoting aspects of parachute parenting with the emotional intelligence fostered by mindfulness strategies, parents are better equipped to guide their teenagers through the intricacies of modern life. These methods prioritise building solid and empathetic relationships between parents and teenagers, characterised by mutual respect and understanding.
This evolution in parenting style, from a more directive approach to one that values autonomy and emotional well-being, highlights a significant shift in how society views adolescence. It recognises teenagers as individuals navigating a complex world, requiring support systems that are flexible, understanding, and adaptable. Through the lens of parachute and mindfulness parenting, the past decade has seen a significant transformation in the parent-teen dynamic, which better prepares both for the challenges and joys of the teenage years.
Conclusion
As we conclude our examination of the dynamic shifts in parenting teenagers over the past decade, it’s clear that this period has been marked by profound changes in how we nurture and guide the younger generation. The digital revolution has driven these changes, a deepening understanding of mental health, evolving educational paradigms, and a societal embrace of diversity and inclusivity. Together, these factors have reshaped the landscape of adolescence, requiring parents to adapt and develop their approaches.
The embrace of digital education, heightened awareness and advocacy for mental health, and more inclusive conversations about identity and belonging reflect a broader societal evolution. These developments underscore a collective move towards understanding the unique challenges and opportunities that define modern adolescence. Parenting strategies have increasingly shifted towards fostering open communication, emotional resilience, and critical thinking skills, moving away from authoritarian paradigms to more collaborative and empathetic relationships between parents and their teenage children.
The integration of concepts such as parachute and mindfulness parenting illustrates a nuanced response to the complexities of teenage development in the digital age. These approaches highlight the importance of balancing support and independence, ensuring that teenagers feel heard and valued, and fostering an environment where emotional well-being is a priority.
Looking forward, the lessons learned from the past decade offer invaluable insights for navigating the future of parenting. As technology continues to evolve, as our understanding of mental health deepens, and as societal norms around identity and inclusivity progress, the role of parents in guiding their teenagers through these changes will remain pivotal. The journey of parenting teenagers, with its evolving challenges and opportunities, reflects a broader narrative of adaptation and resilience. It’s a testament to the enduring commitment of parents to equip their children with the tools they need to navigate an increasingly complex world, ensuring that they not only survive but thrive in the years to come.
In today’s hyperconnected yet increasingly isolated world, the art of parenting faces both unprecedented challenges and new opportunities. Gone are the days when young families were enveloped in the warmth and wisdom of extended kin, with grandparents, aunts, and uncles readily at hand to offer guidance and support. Instead, many young families find themselves navigating the complexities of child-rearing in nuclear units, often distanced by thousands of miles from their relatives and, at times, isolated even from their neighbours. In a society where the respect and authority traditionally accorded to elders have waned, the internet has risen as the new bastion of knowledge and advice. This digital transformation, while opening doors to a wealth of information and resources, also brings with it a host of challenges that can profoundly impact family dynamics and child development.
The Double-Edged Sword of Information
The internet has undoubtedly revolutionised parenting, offering a wellspring of information and resources that can significantly empower parents. This digital age enables access to a diverse array of knowledge, from developmental milestones to health advice, right at our fingertips. Yet, this very abundance can also be a source of confusion and overwhelm, as parents face a barrage of conflicting recommendations on virtually every aspect of child-rearing.
The complexity of modern parenting is exemplified by the debates over infant feeding practices, such as the choice between breastfeeding and formula feeding. Online spaces are awash with fervent discussions, each side presenting a blend of scientific research, personal experiences, and cultural viewpoints. This flood of information often leaves parents in a state of uncertainty, struggling to make sense of the opposing arguments and choose the best option for their child.
Further complicating matters is the emergence of movements like the anti-vaccination (antivaxx) campaign, which leverages the internet to spread doubt and misinformation. Despite overwhelming scientific evidence supporting the safety and efficacy of vaccines, these groups sow fear and confusion, challenging parents’ efforts to make informed health decisions for their children.
Addressing these challenges requires a proactive and strategic approach to managing the influx of information. Here are some strategies parents can employ to navigate the digital landscape more effectively:
1. Develop Critical Evaluation Skills: In an age where anyone can publish content online, it’s essential to cultivate the ability to critically assess the credibility of sources. Parents should look for information from reputable organisations, such as pediatric associations and well-respected health institutions, and cross-reference advice to ensure it’s supported by scientific evidence.
2. Limit Information Sources: To combat information overload, consider narrowing the scope of sources you consult regularly. Choose a few trusted websites, experts, or forums that align with your parenting philosophy and values, and be cautious of spreading your attention too thin across too many platforms.
3. Engage in Community Dialogue: Participating in discussions with other parents, either online or in person, can provide valuable perspectives and support. However, it’s important to approach these conversations with an open mind and a critical eye, recognising that anecdotal experiences should not outweigh evidence-based advice.
4. Practice Mindful Consumption: Be intentional about your online activity, setting limits on the time spent researching parenting topics to avoid becoming overwhelmed. Periodic digital detoxes can also help maintain a healthy balance between online information gathering and your own parental intuition.
5. Seek Professional Guidance: When faced with particularly challenging decisions or conflicting information, don’t hesitate to consult healthcare professionals. Paediatricians can offer personalised advice and clarify misconceptions, helping to navigate complex issues like vaccination with confidence.
By adopting these strategies, parents can better manage the double-edged sword of information that characterises the digital age. While the internet remains a valuable resource for parenting knowledge, approaching it with discernment and selectivity is crucial to making informed, confident decisions for the family.
The Tyranny of Comparison in the Age of Social Media
In the digital era, social media platforms have become a ubiquitous part of daily life, profoundly influencing perceptions of self and success. For parents, these platforms have introduced a particularly insidious form of pressure: the compulsion to measure up to a highly curated vision of family perfection. This phenomenon, known as the tyranny of comparison, subjects parents to a constant bombardment of images depicting immaculate homes, flawless parenting moments, and idyllic family adventures. These snapshots, often meticulously selected and edited, present a standard of family life that is not only unrealistic but fundamentally unattainable for most.
The impact of this relentless exposure to idealised representations can be deeply damaging. Parents, in their quest to emulate these paragons of perfection, can find themselves trapped in a cycle of comparison and despair. An illustrative example of this is the trend of elaborate birthday parties for children, showcased in vivid detail on platforms like Instagram, X and Facebook. Parents may feel compelled to replicate these extravagant celebrations, investing considerable time, energy, and resources despite the stress and financial strain it may cause. When the reality falls short of these polished online images, it can lead to feelings of failure and inadequacy. Another example is the photos of family vacations in exotic parts of the world, which may generate travel envy.
1. Cultivation of mindfulness and gratitude: By focusing on the present moment and appreciating the unique qualities of one’s own family life, parents can begin to detach from the compulsion to compare themselves to others. This practice encourages a healthier perspective, where the value of genuine, imperfect moments outweighs the allure of social media perfection.
2. Curate their social media consumption with intentionality: This may involve unfollowing accounts that consistently provoke feelings of inadequacy or seeking out communities and content that promote a more authentic and relatable depiction of family life. By selectively engaging with social media, parents can protect their mental health and foster a more supportive and realistic online environment. Homes with children are often messy.
3. Open dialogue and community support: These play vital roles in combating the tyranny of comparison. Sharing experiences and challenges with a trusted circle of friends or within supportive online communities can offer reassurance and a sense of solidarity. Recognising that others share similar struggles demystifies the notion of perfection and reinforces the understanding that parenting is a journey marked by both triumphs and trials.
In summary, the tyranny of comparison, fueled by the rise of social media, poses a significant challenge to modern parenting, promoting unrealistic ideals and exacerbating feelings of inadequacy. By adopting strategies such as mindfulness, intentional social media engagement, and fostering community support, parents can navigate this landscape with resilience, embracing the beauty and authenticity of their unique family experiences.
The Screen Time Epidemic
The exponential increase in digital device usage among children has escalated the issue of screen time from merely a concern for parents to a widespread societal emergency. The enticing allure of smartphones, tablets, and computers is unmistakable, as these devices captivate the attention of children, gradually detaching them from engaging in real-world interactions and physical activities. Such extensive engagement with screens not only poses risks to hinder their developmental progress but also incites profound worries regarding their mental and emotional health. In confronting the challenge of reducing screen time, it is clear that a comprehensive approach is necessary—one that not only involves tailored strategies within individual families but also extends to encompass wide-reaching societal interventions. Children are fascinated by the colours, movements and sounds on the screen. Unfortunately, many parents are using the internet, especially YouTube, as babysitting devices; it keep the little tykes quiet and preoccupied for long periods of time.
Understanding the ideal amount of screen time for children is crucial in this context. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) provides guidelines suggesting that children under 18 months should avoid the use of screen media other than video chatting. For children aged 18 to 24 months, parents who wish to introduce digital media should choose high-quality programming and watch it with their children to help them understand what they’re seeing. For children aged 2 to 5 years, screen time should be limited to one hour per day of high-quality programs, with parents co-viewing to support learning and interaction. For those aged six years and older, consistent limits on the types and amounts of screen time should be enforced, ensuring that screen use does not interfere with adequate sleep, physical activity, and other behaviours essential to health. However AAP revised their guidelines to “we recommend considering the quality of interactions with digital media and not just the quantity, or amount of time” in 2016.[1]
The AAP change in their guidelines indicates that today’s digital-centric world requires more than just setting rules; it necessitates a deeper understanding of the role that digital media plays in children’s lives and the development of strategies to balance screen use with other vital activities. Generation Z and Generation Alpha are essentially internet generations. They will grow into an internet metaverse that we can never imagine.
1. Promote Digital Literacy: Educating children about the impact of screen time on their health and development can empower them to make informed choices. Integrating digital literacy into school curriculums and parental guidance can help children understand the value of moderation.
2. Encourage Engaging in Physical Activities: Regular physical activity is essential for children’s development and can serve as a healthy alternative to screen time. Families and communities can promote sports, outdoor play, and other physical pursuits that not only provide exercise but also facilitate social interaction.
3. Foster Creative and Educational Pursuits: Encouraging children to explore hobbies and activities that stimulate their creativity and intellect can provide fulfilling alternatives to screen use. Arts and crafts, reading, music, and science projects can engage children’s interests and talents in meaningful ways.
4. Implement Technology-Free Family Time: Dedicate certain times of the day or week for family activities that do not involve screens, such as family meals, board games, or outdoor adventures. Set up device-free zones such as the dining table so that the family can interact over meals as they eat. This can strengthen family bonds and ensure that children experience a variety of interactions and experiences.
5. Utilize Parental Controls and Tech Tools: Taking advantage of parental controls and other technological tools can help manage and monitor children’s screen time. These tools can limit access to certain content, set time limits, and provide reports on usage, assisting parents in enforcing screen time guidelines.
6. Model Balanced Screen Use: Parents and caregivers can lead by example by demonstrating balanced screen use in their own lives. This is so essential yet so hard. By showing children that it’s possible to enjoy digital media while also prioritising other aspects of life, parents can set a powerful precedent.
Addressing the challenge of screen time for children in today’s digital age requires a holistic approach that balances the benefits of technology with the need for physical activity, social interaction, and creative exploration. By implementing these strategies and adhering to recommended guidelines, parents and society can work together to ensure that children grow up healthy, well-rounded, and capable of navigating the digital world responsibly.
The Privacy Invasion
The advent of the digital age, while bringing unprecedented connectivity and access to information, has also introduced a dark side of privacy violations and safety threats that pose significant risks, especially to the younger generation. The internet, a vast and often unregulated space, is fraught with dangers such as cyberbullying, online predators, identity theft, and exposure to inappropriate content. These risks highlight the urgent need for parents to take proactive steps to protect their children and educate them about navigating the digital world safely.
Parents should avoid sharing photos of their cute children on social media. Some parents also share their names, ages and where they live. These are invitations to sexual predators who troll the internet. Teenagers, with their limited experience and understanding of the potential consequences of their online actions, are particularly susceptible to these threats. They may unknowingly share personal information, engage with strangers, or become targets of cyberbullying without recognising the warning signs or knowing how to respond. To combat these risks, a comprehensive strategy encompassing education, communication, and the use of technological tools is essential.
1. Open and Ongoing Communication: Establish a foundation of trust and openness that encourages teenagers to share their online experiences and concerns without fear of judgment or punishment. Regular discussions about online safety, privacy, and the potential risks of sharing personal information can empower them to make informed decisions.
2. Education on Digital Literacy: Teach children and teenagers about digital footprints, privacy settings, and the importance of safeguarding personal information. Highlight the risks of interacting with unknown individuals online and the potential long-term consequences of posting sensitive or personal content.
3. Critical Thinking and Awareness: Encourage teenagers to question the information they encounter online and be sceptical of personal information requests. Teach them to recognise the signs of cyberbullying, phishing scams, and online predators and to report any suspicious or uncomfortable encounters to a trusted adult.
4. Use of Parental Controls and Monitoring Tools: Implement parental control software and monitoring tools as a means to supervise online activities, limit access to inappropriate content, and manage screen time. However, use these tools judiciously and with transparency, making it clear that the goal is to protect, not to invade, their privacy.
5. Promote Safe Online Practices: Encourage the use of strong, unique passwords for online accounts and the activation of two-factor authentication where available. Discuss the importance of privacy settings on social media platforms and how to adjust them to limit the visibility of personal information.
6. Foster a Culture of Respect and Empathy: Teach children the importance of respectful and empathetic behaviour online, emphasising that their actions have real-world consequences. Promoting positive digital citizenship can help reduce instances of cyberbullying and create a safer online environment.
By adopting these strategies, parents can play a crucial role in mitigating the risks associated with the digital age. Protecting children from privacy invasions and online threats requires a multi-faceted approach that combines education, open communication, and the judicious use of technology. Through proactive engagement and guidance, it is possible to empower the next generation to navigate the digital world with confidence and security.
The Value Distortion
In the digital era, the pervasive reach of the internet has introduced a subtle yet significant challenge to parenting: the distortion of values among the younger generation. Platforms awash with images of affluence, beauty standards, and consumer culture are increasingly shaping children’s perceptions, leading them to equate personal worth and happiness with material possessions, physical appearance and instant gratification. This shift towards materialism and superficiality not only conflicts with the values of character, compassion, and authenticity that many parents aim to instill but also poses a threat to the development of a well-rounded and empathetic individual. Addressing this silent crisis requires a multifaceted and assertive approach to help realign children’s values towards more meaningful and fulfilling ideals.
1. Promote Value-Based Education: Integrate discussions about values, ethics, and empathy into daily conversations. Parents and educators can use stories, historical examples, and current events to highlight the importance of kindness, hard work, resilience, and integrity over material success and appearance.
2. Encourage Critical Media Literacy: Teach children to critically evaluate the media they consume, understanding the motives behind advertisements and the unrealistic nature of online content. Discussions should focus on discerning the difference between marketing messages and reality and the psychological tactics used to promote consumerism.
3. Model and Reinforce Positive Values: Parents and caregivers must lead by example, demonstrating the importance of non-materialistic values in their own lives. Showing appreciation for simple pleasures, expressing gratitude, and prioritising experiences over possessions can reinforce these ideals.
4. Limit Exposure to Materialistic Content: While complete isolation from digital media is unrealistic, families can set boundaries around exposure to certain types of content, especially those that heavily promote materialism and superficiality. This may involve curating access to certain channels, websites, or influencers that align with family values. Cartoons are sometimes more violent and materialistic than real live person streaming.
5. Digital Detox and Quality Time: Regularly schedule digital detoxes to disconnect from online influences and spend quality time together as a family. Activities that allow for bonding and discussions about life’s deeper meanings can strengthen the family unit and provide a counterbalance to online materialism.
By actively engaging in these strategies, parents can work towards mitigating the value distortion caused by the internet. It is through deliberate efforts to promote a culture of empathy, critical thinking, and appreciation for non-materialistic values that children can grow into individuals who seek fulfilment beyond the superficial promises of consumerism and appearance.
Conclusion
The question of whether the internet has “broken” parenting is not one that can be answered with a simple yes or no. While it is undeniable that the digital age has introduced significant challenges to parenting—ranging from information overload and the pressure to present a perfect family life online to the difficulties in managing screen time and navigating privacy concerns—the internet also offers unprecedented opportunities for learning, connection, and support. The crux of the issue lies in how parents choose to navigate the digital landscape.
By adopting proactive strategies to mitigate the risks associated with online content and engagement, parents can leverage the internet as a tool for positive growth and learning. This includes setting clear boundaries around screen time, fostering open communication about online activities, teaching critical thinking skills to discern trustworthy information, and emphasising values that counteract the materialism and superficiality often promoted online. Moreover, it calls for a collective effort among parents, educators, and policymakers to create a safer digital environment for children, one that nurtures their development into well-rounded, empathetic individuals.
The internet, in essence, is a tool, and like any tool, its impact is determined by how it is used. Rather than breaking parenting, the internet challenges parents to adapt, learn, and grow in their roles. It prompts a reevaluation of parenting strategies in the context of the digital age, pushing towards a balance between embracing the benefits of technology and guarding against its pitfalls. Ultimately, the path to successful parenting in the digital era is one of mindfulness, adaptability, and ongoing dialogue, ensuring that while the internet may change the landscape of parenting, the foundational values of love, guidance, and support remain unbroken.
In today’s rapidly changing societal landscape, where traditional roles in the family are continuously redefined and the very core of parenting is recalibrated, the age-old concept of fatherhood is reshaped in profound ways. Modern fathers find themselves charting previously unexplored terrains, skillfully juggling work demands, the intricacies of family dynamics, and pursuing personal fulfilment. Gone are the days when fathers were pigeonholed as mere providers or distant authority figures. The modern father has evolved, transitioning into roles of nurturer, empathetic listener, and profoundly engaged participant in the tapestry of their children’s daily lives. Through this article, we embark on an explorative journey into five core principles that stand as the heart of contemporary fatherhood, aiming to decipher its many layers, rejoice in its manifold joys, and shed light on the guiding principles that steer today’s dad in an era marked by both challenges and opportunities.
Presence Over Presents: A Deeper Dive into Emotional Availability and Quality Time
Emotional Availability:
The biblical verse from Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it,” offers more than just a directive about a child’s upbringing. It hints at the profound influence a father can have on the character and disposition of his child. This is deeply tied to the father’s emotional availability.
Lara came home after losing a school competition, feeling dejected. John, her father, noticing her downcast eyes, doesn’t just provide the cliched consolation of “It’s okay; there’s always a next time.” Instead, John sits down with her, asks her to share her feelings, and genuinely listens. By understanding her distress, he can guide her towards resilience and perspective. This is a testament to the words of Proverbs: he’s training her in the way she should go, teaching her to handle disappointments, and ensuring that these values remain with her into adulthood.
Value of Quality Time:
The observation by Charles F. Stanley, “Your children can be around you all day, but if you don’t spend quality time with them… they won’t feel loved,” speaks volumes about the difference between mere presence and engaged presence. James 4:8 reinforces this with “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you,” suggesting that the depth of connection truly matters.
Max is a father who makes it a point to have a dedicated ‘story hour’ with his son every night despite his busy work schedule. It’s not about the quantity, but the quality of this time. In this hour, phones are put away, worries are set aside, and the world consists of just the two, delving into tales of wonder. Over the years, this isn’t just an activity but a cherished ritual, a safe space where they bond, share, and grow. Max isn’t just physically present; he’s mentally and emotionally invested here. Just as drawing near God with genuine intent brings one closer to Him, such focused, quality time brings Max closer to his son.
Both emotional availability and dedication to quality time emphasise that the heart of parenting lies not in the grand gestures but in the small, consistent, and meaningful moments shared. These form the foundation of memories, impart lessons, and build an unshakeable bond between a father and his child.
2. Leading by Example: The Profound Influence of Fatherly Actions and Admissions
Model Behavior:
In 1 Corinthians 11:1, the Bible urges, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” This counsel is a powerful testament to the idea that actions, particularly those of role models, have a ripple effect. A child does not merely observe a father’s behaviour—it’s absorbed, reflected upon, and often mirrored.
Samuel is a dedicated father who, every morning, without fail, takes a moment to express gratitude for the new day. Samuel consistently models a heart of gratitude, whether a simple prayer, a word of thanks for the food on the table, or just a moment of reflection in nature. His children, observing this, begin to cultivate their rituals of thankfulness. As they grow, they don’t merely adopt the action; more importantly, they internalise its value—gratitude. Just as the scripture suggests, they become imitators of their father’s virtue, as he imitates Christ’s teachings.
Admitting Mistakes:
Alexander Pope’s insightful words, “To err is human; to forgive, divine,” underscore a pivotal aspect of character: humility in recognising and admitting one’s faults. This is especially significant in parenting, where children look up to their fathers as near-infallible figures.
Ethan, a father who, in a moment of frustration, snapped at his son over a trivial matter. Recognising the unfairness of his reaction, Ethan doesn’t just brush it aside. Instead, he sits his son down, admits his mistake, and sincerely apologises. This act teaches his son multiple life lessons. First, everyone, including parents, can make errors. Second, it takes strength and integrity to admit wrongdoing. And finally, seeking forgiveness and making amends is a path to healing and understanding. As the years roll on, Ethan’s singular act deepens the trust between him and his son and empowers the young boy with the grace of understanding human fallibility and the virtue of forgiveness.
In essence, leading by example is not about showcasing perfection. It illustrates the journey of striving for virtue, the courage to admit mistakes, and the continuous pursuit of personal growth. For fathers, each action and decision, no matter how insignificant it may seem, becomes a page in the life lesson book for their children.
3. Encourage and Empower: Championing Individuality and Independence in Children
Celebrating Individuality:
Psalm 139:14 resonates profoundly with every parent’s heart: “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” This verse not only celebrates the wonder of God’s creation but also emphasises the distinctiveness of every individual. As fathers, recognising and rejoicing in this individuality can transform a child’s self-worth.
Maya, unlike her peers, found solace in observing birds and scribbling down notes, not in sports or dance. While it might’ve been easy for a parent to dismiss this as a passing phase or encourage her towards more “mainstream” activities, her father, David, chose differently. Inspired by Psalm 139:14, he celebrated Maya’s passion, gifting her binoculars and birdwatching books. As she grew, this unique interest, supported and nurtured, blossomed into a fervent love for ornithology. Maya’s journey exemplifies how a child’s particular interests, when recognised and championed, can evolve into lifelong passions and professions.
The Power of Independence:
Kahlil Gibran’s poetic wisdom provides a deep insight into the nature of parenthood: “Your children are not your children… You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.” This emphasises the transient nature of parental guardianship and the importance of cultivating independence in children.
Ever since Alex was young, Leo has adopted a unique problem-solving approach. Whenever Alex approached him with a challenge, Leo would pose thought-provoking questions instead of offering a direct solution, guiding Alex to derive his answers. This might seem time-consuming, but the aim was clear: to ensure Alex honed his decision-making skills. Over time, this consistent guidance not only made Alex more self-reliant but also instilled in him deep-seated confidence in his capabilities. When Alex faced challenges in his adult life, he was better equipped to handle them, having been empowered from a young age to trust his instincts and abilities.
Encouraging individuality and fostering independence are twin pillars that stand firm in the edifice of effective parenting. While the former helps a child recognise and embrace their unique identity, the latter equips them with the tools to navigate the vast expanse of life with resilience and autonomy. Both together ensure a well-rounded and empowered individual ready to make their mark in the world.
4. Open Communication: Bridging Hearts through Listening and Expressing
Art of Active Listening:
James 1:19 relays a powerful sentiment: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” This isn’t just advice; it’s an invitation to foster genuine connections. Active listening, mainly when applied to the relationship between a father and his child, cultivates an environment of trust and mutual respect.
Lucas is a teenager grappling with academic performance and peer acceptance pressures. One evening, he musters the courage to share his anxieties with his father, Mark. Instead of immediately offering solutions or downplaying the concerns, Mark listens carefully. He acknowledges Lucas’ feelings, asks open-ended questions, and comforts him. This act of active listening does more than provide Lucas with a platform to vent—it assures him that his emotions are valid and that his father genuinely cares about his well-being. Over time, such moments redefine the nature of their relationship, with Lucas being more inclined to share, confide, and seek counsel from his father.
Heartfelt Expressions:
Saint Francis of Assisi’s profound words, “Where there is love and wisdom, there is neither fear nor ignorance,” beautifully encapsulate the essence of open-hearted communication. When fathers express themselves with sincerity and vulnerability, it strengthens familial bonds and provides children valuable life lessons.
Jacob, a father who felt overwhelmed after a particularly trying day at work. Instead of concealing his emotions, he shared them with his daughter, Amelia. He spoke about his challenges, inadequacy, and hopes for a better tomorrow. Amelia, witnessing her father’s authenticity, learned invaluable lessons that day. She understood that it’s okay to feel vulnerable, that expressing emotions is a sign of strength, not weakness, and that every challenge also carries the promise of growth. This open-hearted communication brought them closer and equipped Amelia with a more nuanced understanding of the complexities of human emotions.
The pillars of open communication—active listening and heartfelt expressions—serve as guiding lights in the intricate dance of parenting. They ensure that children feel heard, valued, and understood and model for them the beauty of genuine, heartfelt connections. As fathers navigate the multifaceted realm of parenthood, these principles become the bridge that links hearts, minds, and souls.
5. Consistency is Key: The Importance of Boundaries and Reliability in Fatherhood
Establishing Boundaries:
In its vast expanse of wisdom, the Bible highlights a salient point about discipline in Hebrews 12:11: “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” In the realm of fatherhood, setting boundaries isn’t merely about asserting authority; it’s about instilling values and guiding children towards responsible behaviour.
Oscar is a doting father of two lively youngsters. When his children wanted to indulge in excessive screen time, Oscar set firm boundaries: certain hours of the day were earmarked for creative play and outdoor activities. Initially met with protests and tantrums, Oscar remained consistent, explaining his concerns about excessive digital consumption. Over time, not only did the children adapt, but they also began discovering joy in physical books, board games, and the wonders of nature. They appreciated those boundaries when they matured, realising they fostered a balanced lifestyle and reduced their dependence on digital devices. Oscar’s consistency exemplified the transformative power of discipline and boundaries highlighted in Hebrews 12:11.
Reliability as a Virtue:
“A promise made is a debt unpaid,” goes a timeless adage. It encapsulates the virtue of reliability and resonates deeply with Proverbs 10:9, which states, “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely…” For fathers, ensuring reliability isn’t merely about fulfilling commitments but modelling integrity and trustworthiness.
Daniel promised his daughter, Isabelle, despite his hectic schedule, to attend her school recital. On the day, unforeseen work emergencies threatened to break his commitment. However, recalling his promise, Daniel delegated his responsibilities and made it just in time for Isabelle’s performance. His presence meant the world to Isabelle. But beyond that single event, Daniel’s action left a lasting impression. Isabelle learned about the significance of keeping one’s word, the value of integrity, and the sacrifices sometimes required to uphold commitments. She mirrored these virtues as she grew, understanding that reliability wasn’t just about punctuality, honouring one’s word, and valuing relationships.
Setting boundaries and being reliable are cornerstones for nurturing a secure and value-rich environment. As emphasised through these principles, consistency becomes more than a behavioural trait. It emerges as a beacon that guides children, teaching them the significance of discipline, trust, and integrity in life’s vast journey.
Conclusion
The role of fatherhood, a journey both intricate and transformative, core principles like an unwavering presence, leadership grounded in authenticity, a dedication to fostering empowerment, an unwavering commitment to open communication, and the essentiality of consistent guidance emerge as the bedrock upon which successful parenting stands. Gleaning insights from an expansive range of wisdom, from the depths of ancient scriptures to the profound observations of contemporary thought leaders, fathers are presented with an unparalleled potential: the capacity to mould and shape the very contours of the future. With earnestness, patience, and a dedication to applying these principles, they take on a role that’s nothing short of monumental. They become the architects of the next generation, shaping young minds and spirits so that these children not only become emblems of compassion and resilience but also exemplify a profound, unwavering integrity that influences every decision, action, and interaction throughout their lives.
From the way, we celebrate Mother’s Day every year and as the celebration became as commercialized as Christmas, the assumption would be all mothers are kind, loving, and nurturing. Unfortunately, not all mothers are saints.
In this shocking memoir, Philip Yancey reveals disturbing events about his childhood and growing up years. The book started with the death of his father, a fundamentalist pastor, from poliomyelitis which was a pandemic at that time. Yancey’s father was on an iron lung in the hospital as polio had paralyzed his respiratory muscles. In accordance with his belief, Yancey’s father discharged himself from the hospital and removed the iron lung believing in divine healing. He died, leaving behind a young widow with two very young sons.
The family fell into hard times. For many years, they lived in a trailer and were considered ‘white trash’ by the racially biased South. The mother supported the family by offering bible study in their very Southern Fundamentalism church. She also brought up her sons in that strict and rigid tradition. We were given glimpses of these fundamentalist churches in Yancey’s books such as “Where is God when it hurts”, “What’s so amazing about Grace”, and “Church: Why Bother”. In this book, Yancey went in-depth into various events, pain, and suffering in his own life that he hinted about in his other books.
Memories can be malleable with time. Two incidents seem to stand out in this memoir. The first is that after the funeral the young widow laid face down over the freshly filled earth over her husband’s grave and ‘gave her two sons to God’. Due to her strict unyielding Southern Fundamentalist way of parenting, she was estranged from both her sons. In hindsight, she tried to form her sons in her image instead of in God’s. The elder son became a rebel, especially against authority. The younger son, Philip, withdrew into a shell. The second incident occurs when the elder son decided against her wishes to leave their Fundamentalist bible college to study at Wheaton College (which she thought was liberal). Apparently she ‘cursed’ her son for defying her and prayed that God will break his elder son and make him lose his mind.
This curse remained in the background of the narrative. Like many young persons from a repressed religious home background, the elder son adopted a countercultural life in college. It was the era of the hippie movement in which he embraced free sex, alcohol, music, and LSD. He had a meltdown and became suicidal. The elder son continued to live a broken life with bouts of alcoholism, and two failed marriages. He left the Christian faith. The mother and son were not able to reconcile for more than twenty years. An unspoken question in Yancey’s narrative is what kind of a mother will curse her son?
Philip Yancey survived her mother and their church to become a bestselling author on suffering and grace. This book gave a disturbing glimpse of what he lived through and what birthed his books and writings. Parents play an important role in shaping the character and faith of their children. What Yancey has shared with us in this book is what a domineering mother with a toxic religion can do to her children.
In times of COVID-19 pandemic
– stay at home as much as possible
– avoid trips both local and overseas if possible (even if you have paid, your health is more precious than your money)
– wash your hands frequently with soap and water at home, and with hand sanitizer outside the house
– if anyone is sick with fever and cough, stay at home and do not visit your friends
– ‘tapau’/takeout and eat at home as much as possible
– if you have to eat outside your house, use hand sanitizer to spray and wash the area you will be sitting and bring your own eating utensils
– avoid touching your nose and face
– try to sit 2 meters away from other people
– avoid crowded places, even crowded playgrounds or other open-air spaces
You look so grown up in your new school uniform and cute school bag. You are so happy that you are now allowed to follow your Jie Jie up the school bus to go to school. Was it only a year ago when you drag your bag following your Jie Jie to the school bus and were upset because they did not allow you on? You were too young then. Now you are big enough. Grampa is very proud and happy that you are starting your formal learning which is a small part of your life-long learning. Formal learning is what you do in school. Life-long learning should be part of who you are, little one.
You have learnt much since you were a little bundle of joy. Well not too little as you were a big baby but a bundle of joy nevertheless. You are still learning. Grampa and Por Por are very impressed by you as you demonstrates new skills every time we see you. You have a long journey ahead of you in your formal schooling – nursery, kindergarten, primary, secondary, junior college, and university. All these are essential if you are to be equipped to be literate and earn a degree for employment. Big people called this schooling an education. Big people with big titles proudly tell you that this education will teach you not to think inside a box but outside it. Grampa is not impressed with them or their boxes. What Grampa wants for you is to be able to think without a box! Why should you be limited by other big people’s narrow thinking? What Grampa hopes that in these years in school you will develop critical thinking skills and to love learning. This will be more valuable that all the degrees and professional certificates that you earn along the way. The world you grow up into will be different from the world today. Your first degree may get you into your first job. Then you will have to retrain for your next one.
Little one, learn to think critically and love to learning new things, skills and challenges. People has always asked why Grampa and Por Por did not send your Mummy and Ah Yee to be educated in Singapore. Singapore has one of the best schooling system in the world. Grampa and Por Por believed that while in Malaysian school, your Mummy and Ah Yee can learn to think and grow with more freedom. They did not turn out too badly, you will agree. Grampa is very proud of your Mummy and Ah Yee. They have turned out to be very clever people, much cleverer than your Grampa.
Little one, Grampa is boring you with this talk about thinking inside or outside the box. The only box you are interested in is a small one in which you can put in and take your toys; or a bigger one in which you can climb into and pretend you are driving a car. That works too. Grow well in your schooling. Do not let them conform you to their mould, but be transformed in your mental development by good teachers and facilities. Grampa will be helping you as long as Grampa is able.
Dear God,
Thank you the opportunity for this little one to start school. May his education be holistic and may he develop and refine his thinking skills. May he develop a love of books and of learning. May his pursue of knowledge leads to wisdom. May his questing leads to You.
You are getting quite tall and are able to climb onto the dining chair all by yourself. Grampa knows why you climb the chair. You wanted to see what food are available on the table! Big people food always taste better than baby food. Except for your Mummy’s milk, of course. Grampa knows that you enjoy eating. You know what the good food looks like. You only ask for what you want. Looking at things and deciding whether you like it or not is called perception.
Remember when you were younger, when you look at a mirror, you see another baby looking back at you? Yes, we all have fun when you try to touch that baby and kiss him. Now you know that baby you see in the mirror is you. That is perception. You understand that you are looking at your reflection.
As you grow older, you will learn more about perception. Some big people will teach you that your milk bottle is half filled with milk. These big people are called optimists. Others will tell you that the same milk bottle is half empty. They are called pessimists. These people let their perceptions colour what they see. Grampa will tell you to ignore them and look at the milk bottle. Is there milk in the bottle? Is the milk drinkable? (not too hot or cold). Are you hungry? Then take the bottle and drink the milk! Whether you live a happy, fulfilled life or an anxious, empty one depends on your perception. At this moment your perception is pure. It is not influenced by the ‘half empty/half full bottle’ nonsense. As you grow up, you will be influenced by this type of ‘half full/empty’ thinking. Resist that. Hang on to your present perception as long as you can. Be neither an optimist nor a pessimist but a realist. See things as they are, not what you want them to be or what others want it to be. Then you will have a fruitful and abundant life.
I know this does not make sense to you. There is milk in the bottle. You are hungry so you drink. Life is simple and straightforward at your age. It is the big people who makes things complicated. So don’t worry about that now. Finish your half empty-half full bottle of milk before it gets cold!
Dear God, Teach this little boy to be a realist. May he grow up perceiving things correctly, not swayed by the tides of opinions or fears. May he have much faith and trust in You. Bless him as his mind develops over the years. Amen
I see you are wearing your Star Trek gold Command tunic. Even though it is a one-piece, one day it may be a full Captain uniform. Grampa hopes that you will command one of the starships of the future. Now, however, you are happy to sit in a cardboard box and pretend that it is a car. No matter. Being a captain of a box is as important as of a starship. You see, little one, being in command of anything takes leadership.
Leadership means getting people to follow you. Yes, like you get the other children to follow you in your Toddlers’ Class in church. Leadership is not getting people to follow you like in the pipe piper story but to come together, collaborate and do things for the common good. So, leadership is a responsibility to get people to work together. Little one, you will discover when you have grown a little more that some big people think that leadership is a position or rank. Such big people give themselves big people names for leaders. Other big people consider them as VIP. VIP means Very Important Person. Yes, I know you consider yourself the only VIP in the world but you be surprised that there are other people who think they are too.
Grampa thinks leadership is not a position but a function. A leader is someone who leads other people and serves them for the common good. Jesus from the Bible teaches that a leader is a servant. A servant is one who works hard for others. Remember the stories about Jesus your Daddy loves to tell you and your Jie Jie? Anyone who is getting others together to do something is a leader. There is no doubt in Grampa’s heart that you are a leader. From the moment you are awake, you direct all the big people to do whatever you want. Grandma calls you the ‘director of activities’. However, Grampa knows that you work hard to make all the big people around you happy. Bringing happiness is a way of service.
Little one, you are an energetic and active little boy, curious about everything, and not afraid to try anything (often to the alarm of the big people!). Your total dependence on others to look after all your needs, and not to worry about anything is a good model for a leader. A good leader should be dependent on God. He or she must avoid trying to micro-manage everything. The leader must be dependent on others to work in collaboration. One day, little one, you will be a leader. In the meantime enjoy your play and stop pulling and dropping Grampa’s books from his shelves!
Dear Lord,
Take care of this little one. May he grows up to be a Moses, an Elijah, and a Jeremiah. May his emotional quotient (EQ) develop holistically together with his intellectual quotient (IQ) and spiritual quotient (SQ). May he develops effective and efficient leadership skills as he grows. May he be a blessing to others.